I think we should get back together.

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder…

Is it true? After two months of a Wholly Surrendered blog famine, have you missed me?

Don’t worry, I’m still around and kickin’. I’m not sure what to blame the lag on: school assignments, work chaos, or laziness. Anyway. I’ve just been so distracted. But I hope you'll take me back. I've been doing a lot of thinking and, well... there may still be a spark between us.

Whatdya say, give me another chance?

Thanks to those of you who are still following me. Don’t lose hope! I know I have lost at least one follower, but I guarantee I will be back to my blogging self soon.

You know, really… I think I can blame the anti-blogness on not really feeling like myself. I know I’ve blogged before about that, but even though I absolutely am LOVING my schooling, I still don’t feel like I have found my outlet. I’m searching… God is great and He knows me. He understands my complicated heart even when I don’t.

I receive a free Bible email every day, and I have gotten in the nasty habit of “Marking as Read” when I see her in the old Gmail inbox. I have struggled through feeling distant from the Lord, and with the help of some dear friends, I’m getting back on track and reading. Many of us likely know these verses, excerpted from today’s email… What words to live by:

“But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.”

Philippians 3:7-11

Word.

Thanks for sticking with this complacent blogger! I’ll try to be more consistent about updating. And I realize this wasn’t much of an update. So I’ll bring you fairly up to speed with some photos from recent weeks (since early April).

Celebrating with my priceless friend Caroline at her bachelorette! She’ll marry her love Todd on June 6.

This was formerly Brad’s junk room. After 1.5 years of trying desperately to ignore the mess in that room while keeping the rest of my home clean (the Gaultneys have different definitions of what “tidy” and “clean” mean), I went Medieval on it and cleaned it like the bizness. I’ll wait for the “after” pictures till next month, when I plan to paint it. I'm thinking cool gray, with white and yellow (and fuschia?) punches.

Our kindred, dearest friends, the Gahms – AKA The Wanderlusters. We visited them in Breckenridge as they travel across the globe for one year. (Steph, I owe you pictures. I'll do a FB album soon now that I've found my camera cord and can post!)

Then some more dearest friends got ENGAGED! Here’s a photo of them about a week before Zach popped the question to Abby. We celebrated her birthday Cajun-style with a crawfish dinner.

My older brother Matt got MARRIED! Somehow I was so caught up with emotion that I didn’t take photos of the blessed event, but here’s a snapshot of me and my mama. Isn’t she gorge?



Here’s a picture of me and Brad from a recent trip to New York City. Times Square! Thanks to those who made recommendations on what to do and see, especially Erin!

Update-ish

Since it's been a while since I've caught you up, I'll give a little update.

I'll start with the most immediate... I am sick as a dog. For weeks I've been looking forward to this weekend for so many reasons. Brad's step-brother, Kelly, was married this weekend. In Florida. On the beach. At sunset. On Valentine's Day. Roooooomance! (By the way, his new wife's name is KELLY! They are the "two Kellys.")

Brad was a groomsman, and we booked a room at the resort where the wedding would be. I was just so excited about a relaxing long-weekend on the beach, surrounded by family. It ended up being a LOVELY wedding, and I couldn't be happier for the new husband and wife!


I only wish I had been feeling well enough to spend sometime enjoying the gorgeous scenery! Most of last week, Brad and I were just feeling yuck. What's weird is that we've been eating healthier than ever -- tons of veggies, fruit, wheatgrass, fish, little fat, little sugar -- but our immune systems are just pokey all of a sudden!

During our flight to Florida on Friday I just started feeling super mooky. It just got worse throughout the day and the rehearsal dinner, and sure enough, that night it was BAD. I won't get into details, but I'm pretty sure I have a full-blown flu. Didn't sleep a wink, thanks to sickness, bad heating/cooling unit, neighbors playing LOUD music, calling security on neighbors, digital clock freaking out any time a phone signal was detected, phone ringing.... etc.

I had slept about one hour by the time Brad woke up on Saturday. He was completely unaware that I had been sick the whole night before (he has an amazing ability to sleep through ANYTHING), and he told me he had a Valentine's surprise for me. That's about when he noticed that I was curled up in a fetal position shivering. He had already paid for a nearby salon to send someone to give me an afternoon of spa treatments in our hotel room. Soooo sweet, but I just didn't think I could enjoy it given my sickly state. But the spa wouldn't let us cancel without paying the full price, so I went ahead with it.

I'm probably the only girl in the world who has ever tried to turn down such a thoughtful gift... I'm crazy. It ended up being just what I needed. A facial, seaweed wrap, and one-hour massage later, I felt tons better. It was enough to get me through the wedding that evening, and I ended up actually having a ton of fun. I was still sick, but not at all nauseous or head-achey. My husband is the sweetest, most thoughtful man I know, and he goes out of his way to make me believe I'm beautiful.

Sadly, the better health didn't last long. I woke up early this morning and was back to my old sickly tricks. The trip home was torturous... I don't know if you've ever boarded a plane with sinus problems, but the 30 or so minutes of descent make you want to rip your own head off. I've had sinus problems on a plane three times: once coming home from Washington, D.C. at age 12; once coming home from Europe at age 17; and of course, this afternoon, age 23. It's just the most explosive, stabbing, shooting feeling through your ears and into your eyes. Anyway. Tears were involved.

Brad took me to CVS on the ride home from the airport where we loaded up with meds, and then he took off for a kayaking trip with his dad and bro in San Marcos. It's probably better that he's not here; I don't much feel like being around anyone, and I certainly don't want to get him sick.

I have a low-grade fever now, aches, occasional waves of nausea, cough, sore throat, a terribly clogged-up head, and some slight, temporary hearing loss. I can't hear anything in the high registry. In the car when Brad would put the turn signal on, I could only hear the low clicks. It's my car, so I know it has HIGH CLICK, low click, HIGH CLICK, low click. And I could only hear the low click.

I'm hoping I'll be better enough to go to work tomorrow, because things have been VERY busy and I can't really afford to miss another day and let my work fall behind. I was out Friday for the wedding, so I'll already be catching up a little. Then I have class tomorrow night, and I absolutely can't miss any class.

School is going well. I love it, actually, and I'm glad Brad convinced me to do it! I do think I bit off a little more than I can chew; I'm taking three classes, and working full-time (full-full-full-time, some weeks :). I'm a little behind in one of my classes, but I plan on spending all next weekend catching up.

More later. This ended up being a post all about me being sick... Sorry... Love y'all.

This. is. JEOPARDY!

Confession: I'm a nerd. But then you probably already knew that.

Ever since I was old enough to read, I have LOVED the show Jeopardy. I also happen to be quite good at it, if I do say so myself. :-)

I actually went on vacation to Los Angeles to watch the taping of three Jeopardy episodes in 2004. My timing was perfect... I saw Ken Jennings become the first Jeopardy contestant to amass winnings of over $1 million! I saw him win the million! They film three episodes per day, so I saw him on his 29, 30 and 31st days on the show. I wanted to take the qualifying test, but sadly, the process of waiting, taking the test, interviewing, etc. would take hours, and we had tickets to Universal City.

But for the past two years the producers decided to make the contestant test available online for a very limited time. I knew about it, but for some reason didn't take the test.

Today was an "ice day" here in Dallas, and after watching news coverage of dozens of cars slipping, sliding, and stopping on iced-over roadways, I opted to stay home. Jeopardy came on at 11 on CBS, and I seized this rare opportunity to watch one of my favorite shows! After answering 90 percent of the questions correctly, Brad sent me the link to the registration for THIS year's online test and told me I "didn't have a choice." He would make me take the test. (What would I do without him?! He's my cheerleader -- err, yell leader?)

Guess what: The test was today!

What timing! Of all the days to be home, to watch Jeopardy, to show off my trivia skills for my husband... and the one day that they're testing is TODAY! They offer this test for only 10 minutes in the entire year, and today was the day! So I registered and received an email saying I needed to log in within 30 minutes before the test at 8 p.m., or I would be disqualified. I remembered RIGHT before the test was about to begin... I was preparing to watch LOST and then realized it was test time.

So I logged in, and the questions started firing! Each question was on the screen for 15 seconds, and I had to TYPE my response in (not multiple choice, people!). Then the screen would change to the next question. There were 50 total questions, and the entire test took about 10 minutes. I knew the answers to 31 questions without a doubt, and there were 19 questions I either passed on or guessed. Not my best performance, but those questions were tough!

I'll never find out my score, and I doubt I'll get invited for an audition interview. There are probably thousands and thousands of people who take this test, and only a few are selected through a random selection process to audition. But I am still somehow excited to have finally taken the qualifying test for this show that I've loved for so long!

Honest to Goodness

My wonderful and much lauded cousin Martha nominated me for the Honest Scrap blogger award! Read her list here. I don’t have her gift for brevity, so please bear with me on this long post as I list for you “10 honest things about me that you possibly do not know.” And make sure you read to the end, because I may have nominated YOU for the same task!

1. I am a wannabe vegan radical. For some reason I fancy myself a total earth mother, who makes frosting with arrowroot powder and agave nectar and coconut milk instead of butter and sugar (like this blogger does), advocates fair trade and lives super sustainably by making my own clothes and recycling my toilet water and maintaining a compost pile. But alas, I’m just not. Texas de Brazil is my idea of a special occasion dinner, and that’s as un-green and anti-vegan as it gets. I do want to live in a teeny tiny energy-efficient home, and to really serve others in my community. I just ordered a book on Amazon called Irresistible Revolution, and I think it’s going to help me figure out how I can live like a radical in my everyday Jesus-loving life. I’m pumped.
2. I was an overachiever in high school. I was vice president of student council, president of the National Honor Society, a National Merit Scholar Finalist, member of Thespian Society, member of Quill and Scroll, Varsity cheerleader (I quit before my junior year), yearbook editor, newspaper editor, even a member of the vocabulary club! And I’m sure I’m leaving stuff out.

A SACS Lion from age 5

While I don’t look back on those days wistfully (as in, “those were the days”), I do have good memories of high school. On the other hand, part of me wishes I had done less, because I kind of got burned out for college involvement. And on that note…

3. I love the University of Texas and will forever bleed burnt orange, but I don’t think I had an authentic college experience. I graduated early, and didn’t get involved in much except Communications Council (for one year), a student magazine and a free speech group. I also got involved with my church, but not until pretty late in the game. And I worked all through college, so that limited my ability to do a lot. However, God allowed me to have an amazing friend-for-life roommate in college, so I’m grateful for that. I graduated with highest honors, but I regret not taking full advantage of those rare years of being an undergrad.

Me and some of my favorite Longhorns :-)

These next few kind of go together…

4. I sometimes wonder what life would be like if I were still single. Don’t misunderstand me – I’m so GLAD to go through life with Brad, and I don’t regret marrying him for a second. I want to be really clear about that. I thank God every day for him, and for orchestrating everything about our meeting, dating, engagement and marriage the way He did. One of my top goals in life is to be an amazing wife to Bradford. My point is, I always thought I’d be at least 30 before I got married, but I met the man of my dreams at age 20! Just for the sake of curiosity, I sometimes think about what life would be like if I were in Paris and working as a journalist, or living in North Africa and working as a Peace Corps volunteer. Truth is, I’d probably still be right where I am, doing exactly what I’m doing. But it’s funny.

"So happy togetherrrr..."

5. I want babies sooner than four years from now (but I’m going to wait). Brad and I adopted the “five year plan” when we got married. We want to travel the world and finish grad school before other obligations enter the picture. I’m totally committed to the five year plan, but I have a twinkle in my eye for my babies. I can’t wait to meet them someday (Oct. 2012! Ha!).

6. I think Jesus is going to come back before I have kids. Maybe it’s the Christian school influence, but I have ALWAYS thought the second coming of Christ would happen before the next big milestone. I remember being in first grade, and Mrs. McGann told my class that in third grade we get to take achievement tests. I remember thinking “Third grade?! That’s so far away! Jesus will definitely come back before then.” We also lived near the airport growing up, and any time I heard the roar of a plane taking off, I thought it was the rapture. I thought Jesus would come back before I got married, and now I think Jesus will come back before I have kids.

7. Sometimes I want to move back to San Antonio. As much as I’d like to think I’ve got my stuff together up here in Dallas, visits to San Antonio and Boerne make me remember how much I miss my friends and family. It will probably get worse once baby Gaultneys enter the picture, but I know the Lord has us here for a reason, and we have commitments in Dallas that will keep us here for several more years. I really do love Dallas, and I’ve made amazing friends here… I just wish it weren’t a five-hour drive to “home.”

A dreamy picture of SA's Riverwalk, which I have visited probably three times in my life.

8. I have a long memory, sometimes to a fault. The good news is, I will NEVER forget your birthday. If you ask me to pray for something, I will NOT forget to lift you up. However, it also means I know which of Brad’s Corps buddies came to our wedding and didn’t give us a gift. And it means if you ever gave me a backwards compliment, I made a mental note. I hate that about me. Oh well.

9. I’m jealous of blondes. Gah, who knows why this is? Some of my very dearest friends are blonde (Sharkie, Dubey-Lew, Meago, Meggo, just to name a few), and I don’t have any problems with them at all, but other than that, I have this weird jealousy of blondes. Maybe it’s because there really is some buy-in to the “blondes have more fun,” adage, especially in Texas. But I’ve made it clear to Brad that he is not allowed to think blondes are pretty. I understand him saying that Anne Hathaway is attractive, because good night, I even think she’s a sex monster. But Kate Hudson? Carrie Underwood? That girl who dances on the table in the Bacardi Mojito commercial? NO. Not allowed.

Screen shot of the infamous Bacardi Mojito commercial

10. I’m actually really shy. That surprises some people. But yes, I’m a definite introvert, and most of the time I’d rather read a book or watch Bravo TV at home than go to a party.

So now I would like to take a moment to pass the torch to some of my fellow bloggers (including a blonde): Abby, Meagan and Stephanie. I’m tagging you because I love you and can’t wait to see the 10 things you’ll write about. :-) Now get bloggin’!

Restlessness (Warning: Long Post)

I’ve had this unsettled feeling in my heart now for several months. Like I want to move to Seattle, or maybe just Dallas’ Bishop Arts District; or go to grad school (more on that later); or start discipling middle school girls; or dye my hair fuchsia. Or buy a 9 mm and take concealed-carry classes (Oh wait, I’m already doing that. No seriously, I am.). Or maybe come home one day with my body all painted in henna paint à la Indian weddings.


So I think about all of these things but I still have this RESTLESS spirit, so much so that when I think about it my heart literally hurts. Like an aching for someone or something that I can’t identify. Like I'm grieving for something, really. It's not a depression, just a sense of loss over something I don't even understand. Talk about a state of confusion.

So I’ve prayed. Praying without knowing what you're asking for is hard, and even harder when you think you’re not hearing anything back. I have felt like the woman in Song of Solomon who searches for her lover but can’t find him.

I opened for my lover, but my lover had left; he was gone. My heart sank at his departure. I looked for him but did not find him. I called him but he did not answer. (SoS 5:6)

And it occurred to me… I’m not serving. I feel most alive in Christ when I’m serving him, and my top spiritual gifts are service and pastor/ shepherding. Maybe my lack of service is what’s causing this weird friction in my spirit. But what to do with this knowledge?

I sought godly counsel from an awesome, life-loving, astoundingly wise friend, who by the grace of God is also family. We’ll call her “Martha.” So Martha, irreverent as she may be, sat down with me over yummy, thin crust, European-style pizza yesterday in Southlake, and we cussed (a little :-), laughed about smoking on the sly, talked about motherhood (her) and future motherhood (me), and generally just had a mini heart-to-heart. Then I came out with it. “Martha,” I said. “What’s going on with me?” I gave her the back story, and she was blunt, as I hoped she would be (I’m paraphrasing):

“Hello? Did you ever think that this restlessness could be the way God is speaking to you, that he's trying to tell you to act on those sneaking suspicions?”

O-M-Goodness. No. Really, no. How could I not have realized that I wasn't just feeling crazy for the sake of crazy... He may be making me feel that way because I'm still not acting on his promptings. I didn’t consider that the Lord was trying to get my attention or affirm the longings of my heart by this aching feeling. But that makes SO much sense. ::: slaps forehead ::: Doh.

She had a lot more truth to speak to me, and I’m not giving her enough credit for her invaluable counseling abilities and insight, but I left feeling really validated – not only validated, but justified – over some of the nutty ideas that have been swirling. My heart and my head are still having a cage match with each other, and I have a lot of thinking to do, but today I really do feel a little bit better. I need to be in the Word for a while, and let some things marinate, but I think I can tell you more later.

I’m deeply grateful for Martha.

And for Brad, who encouraged me to apply for grad school, which I’ll be starting Jan. 22! It’s a professional program (code language for “I’m not quitting my job to go to school, don’t worry”), and I expect to go two nights a week. It’s funny how God works… in the middle of this season of spiritual frustration, I had to register for classes. I’m in a Master of Liberal Studies program, which will allow me to focus on art, French and writing (or as I call them, The Holy Trinity of Katie). But for this first semester, I wanted to have the same schedule as Brad so that we can carpool and spend an extra hour together a day during a time when we otherwise might not see each other a lot.

Well, I had to take a couple of required courses for my first semester, and the only other class that fit with the schedule wasn’t anything that fell into the aforementioned Trinity; it was a theology class.

Theology? Okay. I love Jesus, but theology is really Brad’s thing. I like Beth Moore and Max Lucado and John Piper… but theology?! But I clicked “register” and I’m in. And I have to wonder if God isn’t planning on teaching me something really significant through this course, which is called “The Spiritual Vision of Jesus.”

Think service might be a part of that vision?

"Dew" Not Disturb.

It's finals week at the Gaultney homestead.

Dear Bradford has his first round of final exams for his MBA this week. For a man who admits he had NO study habits in college, I've been impressed at his dedication to studying for his economics and accounting classes.

Sidebar: Can I just say that I am SURROUNDED by studiers?! Brad for his MBA, Stephanie for the NCIDQ, and Caroline for the LSAT! I have such impressive friends!

Anyway, Brad used to be addicted to coffee. I'm talking, seven-cups-a-day addicted. We got a really lovely coffee maker for our wedding, but I don't drink coffee. Frankly, I don't even know how to make it. I LOVE coffee culture... the conversation, intellect, appreciation for flavor, the coffee house as the social hub of our generation... but I just don't love the taste of coffee. I'll drink it if it's covered up in gingerbread, pumpkin, vanilla and caramel flavors, but a true coffee aficionado, I am not.

I think Brad felt it was too much trouble to feed his addiction alone, so he turned to caffeinated soda. He doesn't like dark soda, but he still wanted to meet his daily caffeine quotient. And given the number of sodas he would likely consume, it should be a diet version, lest he gain 100 pounds during our first year of matrimony.

The winning beverage was Diet Mountain Dew. Neon green, with a questionable flavor profile of citrus and hobo sweat, it's not my fave. But it keeps Bradford the MBA Candidate chugging. This is what our drink fridge looks like today, though most of the time it has a couple of two-liters stashed in there as well (look at the bottom row):


And here's what the counter looked like when I came home Saturday night after Brad had spent all day studying:


I'm so proud of him for studying, but I'm going to add up the money I spend on Dew each month and start invoicing him!!!

But seriously, he's taking a final RIGHT NOW and I'm praying for him as soon as I finish this post. Please pray too if you read this before 10 p.m. on Monday! :-) Love y'all!